konfessiong

pagi ini lagi-lagi saya bangun duluan daripada ayam. setengah 3 pagi. ahh nikmatnya menghadap Tuhan disaat semua orang masih tidur, setan masih berkeliaran, matahari masih belum berani nongol. amazing.
pagi ini juga aneh. komputer saya tiba-tiba konek ke internet. engga pake modem. aneh. emang saya juga engga ngerti. pas nyalain kompi tau-tau icon koneksi engga ada tanda serunya. asiklah.
pagi ini saya mau ngaku, saya apus semua postingan tentang cewek yang udah bikin saya lemah. beberapa teman yang baca bilang "hapus ky, payah banget lo disitu", "dih hapus, itu bukan ricky yang gw kenal", malah ada yang bilang "its not you". ahhh memang, tadinya saya berat buat ngapus postingan itu. tapi sudahlah saya juga akhirnya sadar setelah saya baca ulang dengan memposisikan saya sebagai pembaca biasa bukan sebagai saya yang bikin postingan itu.
kadang saya juga kepikiran buat hapus postingan itu dari awal. tapi saya engga ngerti kenapa? lemah, hina, rendah, no pride, semua dah yang bikin saya engga punya harga diri. tapi terima kasih buat teman-teman yang sudah mengingatkan. walau engga pake nampol seenggaknya saya sudah disadarkan sama ketololan sendiri.
kadang saya ketawa juga, lucu aja kelakuan saya yang amat sangat memalukan. setelah saya mendengarkan lagu-lagu blink 182 - time to break up, saya sadar bener kalo saya bener-bener tolol. lirik lagunya emang nusuk banget, apa lagi yang what went wrong.
seorang teman pernah bilang, "kalo lo tetep kayak gini, suatu saat lo bakal nyeselin kelakuan lo yang pernah kayak gini." well, saya akuin itu bener banget. harusnya saya sadarin itu dari awal. toh saya juga tau saya engga dapet apa yang saya harepin.
terima kasih ya teman, tadinya saya iklas kalo kamu mau tampar saya buat nyadarin kalo saya engga layak bertingkah kayak gini cuman buat sesuatu yang lebih engga layak. haaha. tapi tampaknya saya sudah sadar duluan.
lirik-lirik lagu yang bikin saya sadar:

Blink 182 - Time To Break Up

I guess its only the men
Who get fucked now and again
We take our chicks to the mall,
We wait in parking stalls
And when we come home too late,
She's pissed that she had to wait
And my excuse not to call,
It never worked at all

Time to wake up
Where's your daughter?
Hurt's to break up,
She was stronger
All my friends say,
Please don't love her
What did i gain?
Now i miss her so

I used to hate the lipstick
It stained and tasted so sick
The pantyhose and the bras,
She threw on my guitars
Shit fuck i made a mistake,
I thought i needed a break
The truth is i'm such a dick,
It's broke and can't be fixed

Time to wake up
Where's your daughter?
Hurt's to break up,
She was stronger
All my friends say,
Please don't love her
What did i gain?
Now i miss her so

If you wanna call it a heartache,
Then i shouldn't regret those things, i miss her
If you want the pain to go away,
Better suck up your pride and admit you lost her
Let her go, move on, let her go, move on, let her go

Time to wake up
Where's your daughter?
Hurt's to break up,
She was stronger
All my friends say,
Please don't love her
What did i gain?
Now i miss her so

Move on, let her go, move on, let her go,
move on, let her go, move on, let her go 


berasa lagu ini dibikin buat saya, haha. geer dikitlah ya.


Blink 182 - Dysentery Gary


Got a lotta heart ache
He's a fucking weasel
His issues make my mind ache
Want to make a deal
Cause I love your little motions
You do with your pigtails
What a nice creation
Worth another night in jail

He's a player, diarrhea giver
Tried to grow his hair out
When friends were listening to slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
Hanging out with mom and trying on his fathers tights
Life just sucks, I lost the one, I'm giving up she found someone
There's plenty more, girls are such a drag

So all you little ladies
Be sure to choose the right guys
You'll come back to me maybe
I'll shower you with lies
Got a lotta heart ache
He's a fucking weasel
Decisions make my mind ache
Want to make a deal

Ease away the problems and the pain
The girl chose the one guy who makes you want to kick and scream
All along, you wish that she would stay
Fuck the guy who took and ran away

He's a player, diarrhea giver
Tried to grow his hair out
When friends were listening to slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
Hanging out with mom and trying on his fathers tights
Life just sucks, I lost the one, I'm giving up she found someone
There's plenty more, girls are such a drag

Fuck this place, I lost the war
I hate you all, your mom's a whore
Where's my doll?
'Cause girls are such a drag


well then, bagaimana  pun kenangan saya sama dia engga akan mudah buat dilupain. gimanapun, i'll try to move on. wish me luck.














kindah 192
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